Things that Make Me Nervous

“Seek experiences that make you nervous, where you’re right on the edge of blowing it. Try not to blow it, but if you do blow it, learn from it and keep on keeping on.”

— JASON HARDY, digital designer and 
self-proclaimed “creative generalist”

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Boxed In #21, temporary drawing installation, 12ft x 8ft, 2015. Photo: Toni Hafkenscheid.

Full view of 'Pressed/Pressing 1' by Kim Lee Kho, 2012

'Pressed/Pressing 1' was one of two photo-based mixed media diptychs I made for the Burlington Arts Centre show in 2012. That was a breakthrough year for me in terms of media, scale, format and this was one example. The photo here, taken by Bryon Johnson (for The Mississauga News and The Brampton Guardian) was at the Workspace show earlier this year at the Living Arts Centre. Aside from learning about large-scale bulk photo printing for this project, it took some nerve to show a massive photo of my face looking so unflattering. Our visual landscape is so full of digital (and other) alteration designed to remove "flaws". At least this way if you meet me in person you won't be disappointed!

Double Happiness, Three's a Crowd | Figuring out how to make, hang and install these scrolls took some time as I considered all kinds of solutions. In the end the tight schedule decided it for me and I designed/made this piece digitally so it could be printed digitally onto fabric (using a commercial process I might easily have used in my design career). The printer arranged for the sewing and grommets, the facility (The Shadbolt Centre for the Arts in Burnaby BC) had the people and equipment I needed for the installation.

I read this quote today in a profile of Jason Hardy and had to share it with you. He's found a vivid way of expressing what I seem to keep doing, what I know I must do, though I have times when I shrink from it and other times when I embrace it whole-heartedly.

There is a nervous sensation I get just below my solar plexus that I've come to recognize as my friend (my exciting, daredevil friend!). Without it I would not grow or learn or DARE the way I do. Those experiences in turn shape who I am as an artist and as a person, so I would not recognize myself without that "friend".

"Explorer's instinct" might be a good name for that impulse, one that has led me on some life-changing physical journeys as well as guided me to the challenging projects I've taken on in recent years.

My current show 'Chains Unlinked' was the latest example. I submitted a proposal that I thought was exciting, that would create an interesting, integrated experience as well as a visually distinctive and dramatic use of the space. I felt good about sending it in.

Figuring it out as you go along is part of the fun, terror and excitement of straying into unknown territory. 

Then I got the acceptance letter! At first I was (of course!) pleased and excited, but at a certain point reality set in and I thought "Oh sh*t! Now I have to figure out how to actually do this!"

Figuring it out as you go along is part of the fun, terror and excitement of straying into unknown territory. What's important to remember is that it's rarely fatal (!), and you are allowed to ask for help and advice along the way! 

We often forget to ask for help. It's something I'm still working on myself. I know I've made progress though because this group of work only happened due to the help and support of many people.

I thought it would be fun to include a few photos of projects that were big stretches for me, that led to some moments of dark terror as well as giant leaps of faith and many miracles, large and small.

Whether the new challenges you take on are massive or modest in scope, they are the most direct path to growth, in creativity, experience and confidence. They make us nervous though because by definition they require us to risk failure.

This photo from opening night for the show in Burnaby shows the scale of the scrolls. Each panel is 4ft x 16ft.

Under Pressure (left middle) and Turbulence (top centre) | Turbulence is made up of 5 custom wood panels made to display the image at an angle since it was being mounted on the mezzanine balcony but viewed from below. Designing the panels so they could break down but be assembled to form a single unit and considering how to hang them securely from the balcony (can't have these falling on people's heads!) were the main details that took some thought and recruiting the expertise of the Phil, who was in charge of fabricating the panels. I didn't even know if I would have help installing them but thankfully I did!